I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
