i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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