how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
