The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
