I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
