So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
