It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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