I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So vagazzling was a success
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
