i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
