three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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