Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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