4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
