apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
