Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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