Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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