just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
