When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
