That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
