You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
