I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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