matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
pop tarts are not kleenex
His hands were made for my vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
