I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
