# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
