i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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