Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I checked into jail on foursquare
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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