That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize