It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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