I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
