I am in a vortex of obligation.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this just has baby written all over it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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