I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
