i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize