I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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