i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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