There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
