he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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