I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
