dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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