Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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