Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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