I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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