I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
