it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
