She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
