We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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