I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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