I think I died a long time ago.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
