Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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