Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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