he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
