I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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