cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize