Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
