forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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