Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize