I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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