I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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