What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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