i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
