The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
