i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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