maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
