I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
