I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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