What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
