I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
