i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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