that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Couch. On fire.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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