i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
